cabin fever

I recently moved from Southern California to the Midwest (having been from this area originally). Some say that being away has made me soft when it comes to the cold. I disagree. I've always dreaded the end of summer. Winter is so mean, so biting, so painful. Really, actually painful. I simply don't know how I can possibly make it until spring, even though it is supposedly right around the corner. Waking up in a cold bedroom, taking a shower that doesn't quite get hot enough and having to wrap up immediately in a enormous (and really unattractive) bathrobe, wearing multiple layers and thick socks under my bulky winter coat, only to still be cold once outside and shrinking behind any large object on the sidewalk when the wind blows so as not to stand and shiver when waiting for the bus...

I wanted to read the paper today on my commute, but had forgotten gloves or mittens. I had to shrink one of my hands back in my sleeve (the other was clenched in my pocket), letting only a few fingers protrude. I then very awkwardly held the paper in front of my face to allow myself to read it, dangling it with my arm nearly at the level of my head.

I think the worst part of this ordeal we call winter is the lack of escape from the relentless chill. Even when inside and supposedly safe from the elements, it's never actually warm enough to be completely comfortable. I never can come home (or a location elsewhere), and not continue have a substantial layer of clothing to shield me from the cold.

I miss the wet smell of spring, the yellow sunshine that only comes when the weather is warm. I like when it's so hot in the summer, heat radiates off the sidewalk, burning your eyes. I don't mind the smell of too many sweaty bodies packed onto a subway - people sticking to one another apologetically, if only for the cool breeze and relief found once off the train and on the platform. I miss the nights when a cold shower prior to bed is the only way to fall asleep (and then you wake up in the middle of the night because having pajamas on is making you too hot).

I'm bitter. The cold sucks.
I hate winter.